To those who don’t like reading hard-core stuff, stop right here hahahaha. Coz this is deftly serious.

Yeah I know I should have had this thought long ago, since by now I am already 9 months preggy and waiting for the day the little kiddo decides to come out. Not that I haven’t been thinking about it, it’s just that the fact nags a whole lot more when it’s staring you in the face and the reality sinks in, faster than you can breathe when you finally realize it’s TIME. Of course I am not the only pregnant one, whatever I feel is normal, everybody feels the same way yada yada yada but I feel like saying this out loud through my fingers so let me indulge will ya??

So it’s only a matter of DAYS before we become parents. In a few days time I shall become someone’s MOTHER. It sounds perfectly normal, but I must admit last night I shed tears out of fear of the inevitable. Yeah most probably the hormones played some part in the tears, but I am SCARED SH*T. Of making mistakes, or raising a child, of giving birth, of having to finally care for the little one OUT of the womb. I mean before this the little one was just inside me, attached to me and comes with me wherever I go, eat whatever I eat etc. Having her OUT is a whole different ballgame. In there the amniotic fluid, the uterus, the umbilical cord, my fat layers and the tummy cushions her, in a way protecting her. Now I am not too sure if I can do the same when she’s out. I can’t just stick her back at my tummy when she needs food or protection and all. And what if she cries and I don’t know what to do???? This is scary lah :(

The 2 of us will finally become 3. After 21 months of us being together, we’re gonna have an addition to our little family. Please don’t get me wrong, I do want the little one, oh-so-so-bad. I am all up for the excitement (hahaha all mothers would laugh at this one now) and the anticipation and the ‘your-life-will-never-EVER-be-the-same-again’, but I am just plain chicken-sh*t at these kinda matters. All the what-ifs in my head, all the things that could go wrong, wouldn’t stop haunting me. And can I mention that I dreamt a few nights ago that I had to undergo a caesarean coz my baby is 6.46kg, can sit and laugh right from birth and has clear blue eyes? Now how freaky is that??

Of course hubbster comforted me, saying that I wouldn’t have to raise her alone, he’d be with me and all and of course that comforted me but of course I know that HE is scared too I mean who wouldn’t be. Ok have to breathe now.

Women all over the world has been doing this all their lives. With no qualms whatsoever. Our past generations became parents at age as young as 13 even. But me, at the age of 27, am still quivering at the thought. I can’t for the life of me picture myself as a mother, caring, loving, tending, feeding for my offspring. I don’t know if I have it in me. I can’t understand how some people can give birth like passing motion hehehe. I think God made women pregnant for 9 months for a reason. Else people will be giving birth every other month.

I am scared of it all, but at the same time I am looking forward to the whole experience. It would be so cool to finally say I’ve given birth to someone hahahaha. And I can’t wait to see what the little person inside me looks like, feels like, smells like. No I don’t really wanna know what she tastes like hehehe. (Heart filling up with warm fuzzy feeling right about now). Sighhhhhh.

So there, I’m counting my final days as a wife alone. After this, I shall be a wife and a mother. Darn that sounds weird. Oh well, while I’m at it, I might as well be a wife and a milf. Hehehehe.

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