Is the statement true? I’m sure many of us (most of the readers of this blog ARE married women with kids anyways) will disagree at first; well so did I. Ira told Hetty and me through chat (yes I do that a lot in the office) that her boss said that. We were screaming out the word ’sexist’; but then come to think of it, I think the statement does have some truth in it.
I decided to blog about this coz currently I am at this junction in my life. Let me explain from the start (yes I am long-winded too hahahaha).
I used to be this really ambitious person. Since young, I had my direction. I know what I wanted to be and I worked hard to get where I am today. I will work real hard to achieve my personal goals. Especially in my career. I am on my 3rd job in 5 years. Yeahhh I guess u will get the drift. I’m one of those ‘jumpers’. Never staying in one place for more than 2 years. Always searching for something better, always wanting career advancement, better pay, more challenges, the works. I didn’t care about working long hours, hell I’ve worked 48 hours non-stop without complaining. Many times too. I used to not go back from office on time. I strive to be the best that I can be and I worked hard at it.
But now… I just don’t know. I am currently planning my next career move. Due to reasons I should not state here (who knows my boss or colleagues read this hahaha) I plan to move again. Hell I will always have reasons to go. I have gone for interviews and even received an offer. Quite a good one too. But suddenly, I doubt myself. I start to really doubt if I can deliver the job. I start to doubt if I deserve the pay (though not a big figure but still an increment from where I am today). I KNOW I will hate staying back to finish my work. I doubt I can perform and I don’t think I am looking forward to the challenges ahead. Suddenly I thought maybe I should not even move. At least now (most days) I get to go back on time. I whine and whine when I have to stay back to finish some work. Or worse, attend a dinner meeting. It’s like I am stuck at a junction. I don’t wanna move but I know for a fact that I just cannot stay. What is happening to me????
Though actually at the back of my mind, I do know what’s happened. The difference between then and now is, I now have a lil baby. I dread going to work each day coz I miss her so. I wanna rush home every single day (and even curse at traffic jams) because I wanna see my lil girl and every minute counts. I’ve lost all drive for personal and career advancement. I am now a mom. That is my main job.
I thought I could handle the daily separation. I thought (before I had her) I could still achieve my dreams. I thought I could still chase my goals. But now, nothing seem to matter anymore! And I’m in a dilemma. What should I do? Is there a way I could work and not worry about reaching home before she sleeps at night? For that last feeding? Work with a peace of mind?
Damn this is hard………..
Reading this post gave me goosebumps. Its like you’d just read my personal diary and decided to copy and paste it in your blog.
k’.. i dont have kids so im not in the position to comment here. but im a product of a working mother where my mom’s priorities than was WORK first, FAMILY second. heckk! she left her 2 young kids plus a 44-days old baby to continue her studies in another continent altogether. and guez whut? WE ARE DAMN PROUD of our mother. she’s our ultimate inspiration no matter how culturally irresponsible it may seem to others. she worked sooo damn hard, missing out a lot of our growing up years, yet at the same time when she’s at home or when we go for holidays, shes 101% with us and we TREASURE each momment and appreciate her better.. and vice versa i guez. so much so, that when she decided to switch job where it only requires her to be in the office 3 times a week, we get agitated coz we’r so not used to having her around all the time. i thk being a highly successful working mother shape what my mother is BETTER than if she spend more time at home. Not bcoz she’s a lousy mother, but bcoz, i believe, as an educated woman, it would feed her ego wayy better if she’s OUT there than bein in-house which makes her happier and more fulfilling as a human being. i dont thk having a child should stop ur dream. instead, i believe mothers must aspire to be even BETTER than what they are or even break their limits, to set a good example to our children. who multi-task better than us? but i guez, at the end of the day, whutever that makes u happiest the most =) all the bestt!!!
well well well..welcome to motherhood eh? It tough to have it all eh? Children and a career….which is why..I will be changing roles too…one which is not great but would allow me to work from home more so that I can spend more time with the kids…
But what you’re feeling is totally normal. It’s between putting bonding with your lil one on hold and then realise a few years later that you should have done it from day 1 or devote more time to the lil one and compromise on career…….tough decision eh?
hi yanz dah lama kita tak ber-ym kan hehehe.. btw i think this is subjective. cam kakni aku tu aggressive giler walaupun dah beranakkan thunderball tu.. dia cakap by 37 nak ada assoc. prof and by 40 prof… i could never be half of her.. so once again i think it all boils down on the indiv. cam aku takde anak takde apa benda pon still no drive to strive :(
Hi Yanz, agree with weween. Having a career doesnt always equal to being a bad mom. And forever missing n thinking of your little one at work doesnt make u less of a good worker. You can work it out. (i’m still finding out how) It’s a struggle (me learnin as well). Heck wat the prejudice says.. a woman got to do wat a woman got to do.
hey yanz..i feel this way all the time. i gotta be straight up and say that i believe a woman’s life will always be in a constant state of dilemma. i was like you once too. i talked to my MIL, to my friends and relatives who were also working mothers to help out with my dilemma but in the end i made my own drastic decision. i chose a little bit of both. i chose to work part-time because i need to feed my ego (i cannot imagine not working.. not earning my own money.. not using my hard-earned education).. but there’re lots of ego-involved sacrifices; i earn peanuts and i’m not the rat-racer i once was. but for me this is the only way for me to kill the guilt of being there only during gibran’s bedtime, and absent the whole day. so suffice to say, the benefits are unquestionable. BUT.. my ego still hurts. especially when i meet up with my very successful girlfriends.
ultimately we have to make our own decisions, and the decision we make will always involve certain sacrifices. whatever your decision is.. make sure it’s something you can live with. :)
and i apologise if this comment is offensive in any way!
Babe, I don’t think I should say anything more on this topic since it’s what we’ve been chatting about for weeks straight hehe. whatever it is, at the end of the day, whichever road u choose, there’s definitely a sacrifice involved. i agree with what babybooned said, whatever you choose, make sure it is something you can live with, and not regret or feel resentful about further on in life. good luck :)
yah babe,i second hetz too (and others as well).like i told ya,that ‘boss of mine’ mmg one stupid fella for throwin judgement like that (whatmore he himself has a wife who is a working mommy too!)pfft.
fa: it has been on my mind a lot!!
weween: yeah i know that shld be the way… now GOD gimme strength to get thru this!
mom2ashley: lucky u to get the option to work from home! i don’t have the luxury yet.. i wish i wish!
chi: lain2 org lain2 kan… now if only i could find my groove…
nikmummy: yeah we’re all still learning eh… if u got the solution lemme know! hehehe
babybooned: yeah it’s a catch-22 kinda thing kan… i WISH i could take the pay cut but for now, no can’t do.. and ur right abt the ego booster thing… *sigh* and NO of course it’s not offensive!!!
hetz: yeah gotta make sure i could live with it.. that’s kinda tough!!
ira: hehehehe tembak je boss u tu
hello…
been reading ur blog silently for quite sometime now…skang baru nk comment.hehe
ur post here makes me think for a while too. i too cant stand the separation from my lil’ haziq when i go out to work but at the same time my career means a lot to me too.i look forward to go home at 5pm and staying back is a BIG NO NO for me. Im always feeling guilty whenever i send Haziq to his babysitter. makes me go bananas.
but on the other hand to be a SAHM is impossible at the moment…its hard alright…so for the time being i just gotta bear with the current arrangement and hope something better will come up soon :)
zaitul: hello!!! welcome!!! feel free to leave more comments. true kan, we have to make sacrifices… my career is important to me too and i also HATE to stayback after work…. yeah but no choice yet…
we gotta learn to live with it for now..
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