The last time Daddy was away for almost a month, I was actually battling depression. I didn’t write much about it then, but I think I can share now. I believe I was hit by post-partum depression. It hit me a bit late, I did have mild baby blues during confinement but the worst hit me just before hubbs left. It was not caused entirely by him leaving, it was just bad timing. What did I feel then??

I felt stuck. Stuck in taking care of the baby. I felt like I lost the old ‘me’ before I had a baby, and now my life is all about HER. I suddenly didn’t know how to take care of her, I almost freaked out everytime she cried. I didn’t know how to entertain her, it’s like I suddenly lost all of my maternal instinct. I became scared of my baby. As a result, I passed her to the maid a lot, and to other people. I was a crying wreck, didn’t want to take care of her unless it was her feeding and sleeping time. I was literally SCARED of Ayra. Really. The problem was not only mentally and emotionally, it got to me physically too. I was sick a lot, I was shivering most of the time, hyperventilating, heart palpitating, the works. I even went to the doctor thinking it was physical but was prescribed calming pills instead to calm me down. That was one of the worst times of my life. I was a walking nervous wreck. I could hardly function, much less work. That feeling pretty much stayed on most of the month hubbs was away, but I did get over it. And THANK GOD for that.

This time, though we are of course still missing hubbs far far away, I am handling the situation much better. I look forward to coming home to the little girl, I just love playing with her and watching her antics. She’s learning something new everyday! As of now, she recognizes the word ‘lampu’ and would look up everytime we say “Ayra mana lampu?”. We have been teaching her some new tricks as well. She still can’t do ‘bye2′ but she will wave her hands excitedly at times. She can imitate us scrunching our face and do it everytime someone does it to her, and the newest trick would be us teaching her ‘high-fives’ and ‘low-fives’. If she’s in a good mood she will gladly oblige by hitting our hands a few times in succession. She has also learnt that the batteries in remotes can be taken out. A few remotes in the house has lost the battery cover and her little fingers will pry the batteries out to be tasted hahahaha. If the batteries won’t come out by prying, she will hit the remote to the ground till the batteries fly out and pick them up, again, to taste. Curious little girl she is.

She hasn’t started crawling yet, I am not sure if she will. But she can take a few steps on her hands and knees. Somehow she can move from the middle of the floor to one end to disturb whatever she can see, especially gadgets like DVD players and amps and such. It is highly dangerous to leave her on our bed, as she can get to the edge in a flash!!!

Edit: Now let me explain why it’s so freaking hard for me to be alone with the little girl. I am blessed with one of those wonderful hands-on husbands (ahem) who really helps with the kiddo la. When he’s home and I feel like staying in bed just a little bit longer, he will take her out for walks and entertain her while I get my rest. We bathe her together. We clothe her together. We wash her poo together. Now it’s hard for me to do it alone hahahaha. Changing diapers is HIS job, hardly ever mine. When she wants to sleep, he will turn on the night lights, turn on her ‘river’ sound, put on the mosquito repellent, change her diaper, kiss her goodnight, sometimes rock her for a bit and THEN passes her to me for my milkmaid duties. Now see why it’s hard????

This weekend I have some activities lined up for the both of us… last weekend we just stayed home and it was soooooo ultra boring, so this weekend we shall paint the town red, both Ayra and I with some friends….. This time around, I am happy for the quality time I got to spend with her…. (but b, when u get back, it’s ur turn ok? hahahaha)

Here’s some recent pics of Ayra in action…

Ayra in a box, banging on mommy’s new steamer pot

 

Short attention span little girl

 

In her car seat, eating Mr. Ayam

 

Her favourite gadget; Daddy’s laptop. She has managed to peel off some letters from the keyboard

 

Now how can I get mad at this face??

 

This innocent one makes me rush home from work daily…..

 

 

Oh how I love this little girl of ours… and I’m sure reading this will make Daddy miss her more…. soon ok b.. we will be back as a family :)

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